a new year letter {2022}

         " And suddenly I realized 

that every single thing in my life

is fleeting, and that only God

is eternal. "

 Dear Twenty-Twenty-Two, 

I have never experienced a year full of such change. When this year started, I was just  beginning to see the end of a long, dark tunnel. Just barely believing that there was hope, and that I would indeed make it through. With a dark winter and holiday season behind me, I buckled up for the ride we called 2022. And what. a. ride. I had no idea what I was in for. I had no way of knowing that by the end of that fresh new year I would have watched two of my wonderful siblings marry their best friend. I had no way of knowing that I would once again be an auntie to a darling little unknown baby who we call "Baby Pooh". Or that we would sell our home of seven years and move to an old farmhouse in The Flats. A new home, a new and improved family. And a new bedroom, all to myself. There has been so many changes in this year, but it has been a good one, and I have never felt so much like myself. I may not be where I always thought I would be by twenty-three. And maybe I have no idea what I'm doing or why God has me here, but that's just it: HE HAS ME HERE. I wasn't just dropped here. I have not been forgotten. My life hasn't somehow fallen through the cracks of God's Plan. He has me here for a reason. Here. Twenty-Three. Single. Sleeping alone every night. Living with my parents and sister here on "The Farm". Here. 

But back in January, I had no clue I would end up here. Back in January I was still struggling with some health problems that had started back in October of 2021 (and stayed till March). I was going through a lot personally through most the year  and January was no exception. I was still recovering from the wrecks that were 2020 and 2021, but I was muddling through. Putting my all into being an auntie to Kate and Gideon, working on being the friend my friends deserve, and cleaning houses with LaKaysha (like always). My brother was just beginning his relationship with his prairie girl and watching them fall in love (even over long distance) was a joy. and in a flash February was gone and it was March. 

With March came a family trip to the desert to see Auntie A and Uncle Tim. Even Felicity and Josiah came and we spent a fun weekend visiting. In April Brynna came to visit the bro - and us, and what fun! My health problems were finally gone and I was able to enjoy her visit to the fullest. And that  trip (for her) it was set in stone (literally) that she would be my sister. For that was when Chancy proposed to her and she said yes! And still I can't believe how blessed I am to have that girl for my sister-in-law. <3 By the end of April it was obvious that something was happening in the life of my old friend and dear cousin. And it was in May that I got to witness a miracle. God took my cousin, dug her up from the pit she as in and SAVED HER! Have you ever been present as Heaven rejoiced for a lost soul? I will never forget the feeling of knowing she was going to be okay. Or the song we were singing when I watched the change happened in her: 

He lives, oh the bliss of this glorious thought

My sin not in part but the whole

Is nailed to the cross and I bare it no more!

PRAISE THE LORD, PRAISE THE LORD, O MY SOUL!!

{it is well with my soul}

And now she is home. She's saved! And I have my friend back. She came flying back into my heart and my life almost as if she had not left all those years ago. And now we're back to our silly giggles that keep LaKaysha up at night, and our hours long talks. Nothing has moved me more than to be able to sit there beside her and watch Jesus' Light shine out from her soul. Or to sit beside her in church and know that it is well with her soul. It still moves me. It still gives me chills - the good kind of chills - and it still brings tears to my eyes. PRAISE THE LORD, PRAISE THE LORD, O MY SOUL!!! 

Later that month Brynna surprised us with another visit! Took her to the beach and just spent a lot of chill time together. And soon May was coming to an end. And with that came Memorial Day. I went to the annual church campout along with LaKaysha, Liberty and Damara. We camped with Auntie A and her family and had a great time. Liberty left that  campout with a boyfriend, though her and Byron didn't become officially couple till a week later, which put us in June. 

June was a busy month because it was the month that the bro got married, and that required traveling to South Dakota for the wedding. We did our first and only sibling road trip. I traveled with LaKaysha, Chancy, and Liberty and we headed out a week early, to get Chancy to his girl. That SD trip was so fun, and honestly one of my favorite memories from the year. I was blessed to be able to stand beside Brynna  as she became Mrs. Chancy Stenersen. We had a bit of a scare when Chancy got sick with food poisoning just three days before the wedding, but he was able to stand up there and get married without a hitch. I also sang in the wedding as well as was a bridesmaid. It was honestly the most wonderful experience to be able to sing the song that my great-grandma wrote for my grandma's wedding. It made me wish Grandma could see her little grandson up there getting married, but I managed not to cry. I sang it with my sisters, and three of Brynna's sisters. And though we were all over the place during rehearsal we were told we did great at the actual wedding, so that good, lol. 

Traveled home with a "caravan" of us - just three vehicles, lol. Sometimes I rode with the parents, and sometimes I rode with "the aunts" (Marissa and Marita). We sang Disney songs on top of our lungs (Pete's Dragon {1977} soundtrack  anyone??), stopped in Gillette, WY just to chill, and you should've heard the squeals when we got our fist glimpse of mountains in the distance. I enjoyed the SD sunsets, and being at the lake where we stayed, as well as being with my SD girls, but this born and raised PNW girl needs her some mountains and trees. <3 

It seems like we were just barely home from this trip when our little house was sold and soon we were packing up to move out to "The Farm". But before we were able to do that we were hit with a sickness that had us all down for a couple weeks. I've never been so sick in all my life. But the next thing we knew we had made it through that, had moved to a new house and July was mostly gone. That's when we learned "Baby Pooh" would be coming in April of 2023. I can't wait to hold that sweet child and kiss their little face. This auntie is counting the days till April <3 

With moving and sickness behind us I was finally able to enjoy summer in August, with swimming, a beach day with dear friends, and three fair days. Somehow in the middle of this crazy and chaotic life we found time to spend time at the fair on three separate days. Went to my first ever concert and seen Martina McBride live from the grandstands! As well as the rodeo, and tuff trucks. And the fair food was definitely Worth the Wait! There's just something about an evening spent at the fair, eating food, and looking at the animals. 

Summer took forever to leave the PNW, taking up all of September and most of October. It was weird to spend my fall birthday breathing in wildfire smoke and praying for rain. 

Liberty and Byron got engaged in September, so October and November were crazy months filled with wedding planning. Took a trip up to the desert so LaKaysha could practice singing with Uncle Tim, as Liberty had asked them to sing in her and Byron's wedding. And on December 2nd, we got yet another one of my siblings married, and I stood in that wedding too. Chancy and Brynna had been living with us while their little house out back was being built, and the day after Liberty and Byron's wedding, they moved out. Overnight half the people who were living here and taking their meals here had moved on. Life was changed in a flash. We decorated for Christmas. I moved into my own bedroom for the first time in my life, and we slowly started to adjust to this new home life. 

Its been a hard, but good change. I spent the first couple weeks crying myself to sleep alone in my big empty bed. But I can now honestly say that I am getting used to it, and I do love my life. I truly do feel that I am thriving for the first time in way too long. My family is growing so fast with weddings and babies, life is a whirlwind of changes, but isn't this the life I wanted? Maybe none of the weddings were mine, and maybe I'm not counting down the days till the birth of my own child. But these are the things I've prayed for. For years life moved on, round and round, almost as if nothing would change. And just like that. Nothing will ever be the same. Sometimes I wish life would slow down, but then I remember this is exactly what I asked God to do with 2022. I asked Him if this could please be the year that something would happen. And God said, "Buckle up." 

I doubt things will calm down in 2023, with another cousin getting married in February (though I doubt I will be able to make it to that, sadly) and a trip planned for May with the aunts and LaKaysha. A well overdue single "sisters" trip. But mostly in 2023 I just want to go with the flow and let God work His plan for my life. If 2022 taught me anything, it's that life happens fast - why, in January we didn't even know who Byron was and now he's a member if our wonderful family - And that God is working, and things will happen right On Time. 

I seen this quote back in July and it hit me as exactly how I feel about 2022: 

Everything has changed and yet

I am more me than I have ever been 

 

This year I loved. I laughed. I hugged some wonderful people. I grieved. I cried. I healed and I hurt. I started crocheting again and I read great books. I played with my niece and nephew. I played my music loud and sang on top of my lungs. And I've been learning  to dance in the rain. Funny. Because at the beginning of this year I picked a quote to be my "quote for the year". It's one you all probably know, especially if you've been around my blog for a while. And it's one I have always loved: 

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass

It's about learning to dance in the rain. 

    

            " I have found July is just July 

Rainy days will pass you by

You can let go of the ways it could have gone. 

Take a second, take a breath

Take the minutes that you get, cause the rest is just 

a little later on. 

later on." 

Happy New Year!

Daminika

the beauty will outweigh the pain || a letter to 2021

 

change.

can be beautiful and scary at the

same time. 

you can be hurting and

wondering what tomorrow will

bring, but you can also be healing

and happy.

sometimes it's best not to

question why you're feeling this

way, but instead experience all of

the emotions change may bring...

change can be a beautiful, but

 scary process.

D e a r   T w e n t y - t w e n t y - o n e,

 How do you write a letter to a year, such as you were? 

People were always talking about how crazy 2020 was, and I won't deny falling into that trap. 2020 was nuts, not gonna lie. But, wow, 2021, you. You were a lot to take in.

 Where do I even begin?

You started out great. You came along, and I was at the beach along with my sister and the aunts. We had booked a beach house for four nights, so we spent five lovely days there just doing nothing. It was a reset trip. A "time-out" before diving into the year. And it was needed. 

"We started the new year dancing to A Good Run of Bad Luck, so

 whatever that means. Hahaha" (my diary. 01.01.21)

 I was busy with work - cleaning most weekdays, and spending my days off at home doing things around the house, playing with my niece, hanging out with my parents and siblings, and spending Sunday mornings at church with the fam. We got a huge snow storm in February and ended up getting four feet of abnormally fluffy snow. Then came the ice.

"Another day snowed in. Though we haven't gotten any new snow.

 But ice. Trees were falling down like crazy, nobody had power all

 day. It was crazy. We huddled around the fire and played Trivial 

 Pursuit most the day." (my diary. 02.15.21) 

I had my ups and downs, crying often. Most the year it felt like the world was spinning, spinning, and wouldn't stop no matter how much I begged it to. So many nights I cried myself to sleep and wondered if God knew what He was doing. So many prayers begging God to take my pain, my fears, my anxiety. So many prayers begging Him to take it all out of my hands. Because the weight of it all was crushing me. I've always been told I  looked at the world through rose colored glasses. And that's how I've always wanted to be. The girl who could always find something to laugh and smile about, no matter what life throws at her. I did an awful job of that this year. So many times I'd go for drives just to be alone with my music and cry. Death has been running rampage in 2021. It hit hard, and it hit close. Some of the people who have Gone on Before this year I knew well, and some I didn't. But it all hurt. I lost a cousin in July. Dear, fourteen-year-old, Abigail Rose went Home in the night, and left us all feeling lost. 

"I hate the past tense words. Because it means she's actually 

  gone. And we have to go on without her. If this hurts this much

 for me, how must Clarissa and Joey be feeling. I've done a lot

 of crying in the past week. I haven't really slept at all."

 (my diary. 07.20.21) 

  Grief is hard. It always is, it doesn't matter when or how it hits. And it looks different for everyone. Abi wasn't the only loved one we lost this year. One of my mom's best friends passed away only a few days after Thanksgiving. It was devastating, if I'm honest. 

"This can't be real. I keep seeing her smile in my mind. And

hearing her voice. And I hate knowing that'll fade with time.

It won't be so clear. I don't understand why this happened."

(my diary. 11.29.21)

The last few months of 2021 have been hard. It's been hard to get excited for Christmas. But I've gone through the motions the best I've been able to. We got our tree the day after Susie's funeral and have all in all tried to make the best of this time of year. Christmas parties, Christmas music, Christmas movies, light and greenery all over the house. And now, I'm trying to look back on the year and remember the good. Because God has not forsaken us. He's been there all along, blessing my year even when I didn't think it possible.

 In April my dear cousin and best friend got married in Montana, and I stood in the wedding. The trip there was short and absolutely crazy-busy, but such a blessed time. I enjoyed running wedding errands with Kirsten, spending time together before she became a married woman. Mrs. Goodrick. It's still so weird for me to think she's actually married. I had really missed her since she moved to Montana, so that time together was treasured. And then, after the wedding I really enjoyed our time at our aunt and uncle's rental house, laughing and talking with sisters and cousins. I was exhausted by the end of that trip, but it was so worth it. I stood beside by best friend while she said "I do" and started her new life with her husband. I'm so glad I got to do that. 

"I don't know what the rest of the year will bring, but I 

do know that God's got it. He's already there." 

(my diary. 03.27.21)

Also in April, I got to meet my cousin's girlfriend and had a lovely weekend hanging out with them and was sad when their visit ended. But didn't have long to dwell on it because before I knew it, I was flying off on another adventure. I flew to New Hampshire with my sisters, bro-in-law, and niece. We spent two weeks there, with family. I, along with my sister, stayed at our grandparents wonderful house for what we didn't know would be our last time. While we were playing video games in the basement with cousins, making food in the kitchen, and visiting in the living room, we had no idea that Grandpa and Grandma would sell the house and move out before the year's end. I'm glad we didn't know. Because we got to just enjoy our time there without being sad about never going back. (though part of me wishes I got to say goodbye to the last link to my childhood. part of me died inside when I heard the house was no longer going to be in my life) That trip turned out to be my favorite. Over the past 7 years I have visited my grandparents five times, so that's saying a lot. Longboarding, coffees, ice cream, late night chats... and by the time we got home, it was May. 

A dear friend and cousin (from NH) visited us not long after we got home, and we had a wonderful time with her before she left to Alaska for the summer. And then, we decided (extremely last minute) to go to the campout our church always has every Memorial Day. I drove my sisters and I up there, and it was my first time driving through the city. Crazy, because I drove through there so many times this year. We only stayed at the campout one night, but it was a good time. 

 May and June flew by with nothing worth noting, but in July my world changed forever. For that was when my darling cousin, Abi went Home. (as I've already said) Though I hadn't seen her in a few years, her passing left me world shattered. And the weeks so come were hard. But God seen me through, and it was because of those hard weeks that I felt the need to go to my cousin's wedding in South Dakota. At the end of July, I ended up going to a wedding seven hours away from our home, along with my sister and brother. Though we were all going through tough times, that sibling trip is one of my favorite memories of you, 2021. And it was seeing my cousin at that wedding that really made me want to be at his. 

So, near the end of August, headed out to a state I'd never been to before, where I knew nobody. I really had no idea what to expect from this trip, but something in me said my world was about to change, and this time for the better. It still blows my mind to think what a difference just a few days can make. God was working in my life and I had no idea what He was doing. But he brought me to South Dakota, where I found the dearest friend in the world, and He pulled me from the pit I had been in ever since that day in July. On top of grief, I was struggling to believe anyone could ever love me. I was struggling with how "friendless" I had been. (I am so beyond thankful for the friends who have always been there for me. I, in no way, want them to think I have not noticed all they've done for me. This is just how I'd been feeling) I don't even know how it happened - one day I was scared to death of everyone in South Dakota, and the next I wanted those girls to be a part of my life forever. The wedding was beautiful and the trip was so beyond blessed. I even got to connect with an old friend, and that was sooo needed. It's like God was telling me that I was very much loveable. (would it be weird for me to say that God is sweet?) We only spent four days there in South Dakota, but I left there with a light heart, a new friend (plus her darling sisters), and a rekindled friendship. I left there with the song Brand New playing in my mind. 

"I feel like for the first time in a long time, I am not afraid"

(Brand New. Ben Rector) 

(oh where has that brand new feeling gone?)

"Oh my, so much emotions. My heart is so full - it burst.

 I have found a true friend who I hope will be there forever.

 So much laughter. So many tears. So many thoughts. It's 

after midnight and my heart is... full. I don't know any other

way to say it." (my diary. 08.29.21) 

 

Back at home, I dove back into life, but now with a friend to talk to. Those first few weeks of getting to know Brynna more was such fun. Our text conversations are still so dear to me, and I go back and read them often. September came and life moved on. Janeya stopped by on her way home from Alaska, and it was so nice to get caught up with her. I think it was during this time that I was the happiest I had been in a long time. Life was just so good, even though things were still going wrong at times - I guess I was in a place where they were able to just slide off my shoulders. 

 Soon I was planning yet another trip to South Dakota, but this time just to visit Brynna. On October 14th I turned 22, and the next day we headed out to South Dakota. This time I traveled with my sisters, brother, and a couple West cousins. That trip was so good. It felt so good to hug Brynna and her sisters again. It felt good to have an entire week to laugh and talk and go on adventures and sit "on each others heads". And goodbye was so hard. We hugged and cried and hugged and cried some more. But I wouldn't have missed that trip for the world. Even though it seems like I've just been muddling through ever since. While on our trip, I started to cough, and I still am - though it is much, much better. 

And only a few days after Thanksgiving, my mom's friend went Home. Like I've already said, the last couple months of 2021 have been hard. But there's been one light - Gideon Karl. My darling nephew, who made me an auntie two times over. He was born on December 10th, bringing sunshine to our very gray world. And Kate. She's two now and just as much of a joy. I am so blessed to be their auntie. 

  And now we're here. Ending yet another hard year. 

I'm not sure how to end this. How to say goodbye. I'd like to say 2021 has been good to me, but it hasn't. But you know who has been? God has been so good to me this year. And He's still got this.

"And as they sang, the fear and the suffering of the long 

winter seemed to rise like a dark cloud and float away on 

the music. Spring had come. The sun was shining warm, the

winds were soft, and the green grass growing."

(Laura Ingalls Wilder. The Long Winter) 

G O O D B Y E   2 0 2 1,

                                        Daminika 

I'm just doing the best I can

I'm just living the life I have

I'm confused but I'm fine with that

The beauty will outweigh the pain

(Reasons to Stay. Kate Vogel)

S O N G S   T H A T   G O T   M E   T H R O U G H :

(linked so you can listen and get to know my year in songs)

Trying My Best 

Reason to Stay

Steering Wheel Prayers

Takin' Me a Heartbreak 

Sing It Now

Keep Me in the Moment 

Out of My Hands

Held

By Your Grace

H a p p y   N e w   Y e a r!

beautiful words, januray '20

This raging world can get so overwhelming
Looking for a meaning when it won't make sense
In my head it's getting loud like I can't outrun this cloud
No matter where I go well there I am

So I walk down to the river
Where the troubles, they can't find me
Let the waters there remind me
The sun will be there when we wake
I walk down to the river
Though I might not understand it
It's not always as we planned it
But we grow stronger when we break

josh groban, river

happy new year, people! I'll now be starting up photo dumps and beautiful words posts in the new year, so I hope you'll enjoy seeing these posts! Have a wonderful month,

Two-Thousand-and-Seventeen || Review

click here to see January's photo dump

January was a month of being snowed in. Having cabin fever, dancing in the bedroom, wishing the snow and ice would just go away so I could go to church, see family, go shopping, go to the library. For four weeks we didn't leave the house except three times - once to The Big Town (between storms), once to a youth gathering, and once to Cabela's with cousins. 

When the snow finally went away, I was as happy as could be. 

I got my very own phone for the first time, and I ran around taking pictures with the awesome camera. 

reading Louis L'Amour books, writing my pen pal and in my diary, eating ice cream and drinking coffee, nothing too exciting happened in January. Life just went on. I thought we had a good start to the year, but then... 

click here to see February's photo dump

February came, and I was glad to see it go when it was finally over. 

The hardest month I ever had to live. LaKaysha turned nineteen and we through an amazing birthday party for her, with out of town cousins coming down for it and everything. 

But the next morning, my world fell apart, with the news that my dear cousin and friend had run off into the world. I hurt. I hurt for her and knowing what she was doing. I hurt for her parents, her siblings. For my grandpa and Nana Sue. I never really hurt for myself until months later (I honestly can't remember which month). And I'm still hurting. But I know all I can do is pray. 

All through February, the song "Stop The World and Let Me Off" was going through my head. 'Cause I was tired of going 'round and 'round. 

I wanted to get away. Go on a long vacation, and just relax. So I started dreaming of New Hampshire, where my grandparents live. 

click here to see March's photo dump

Ever so slowly, I started to get back to my life. We took a trip up to see my aunt and uncle, and that was so wonderful.
Spring finally came. I was truly trying to lean completely on God and be happy again. I tried to get a job, but it just wasn't for me. All the different things to remember just stressed me out way too much - and then my grandpa in NH had to have open heart surgery and I really wanted to go out there - so I quit the job. And it was amazing how much that lifted off my shoulders. It's clear that God did not want me working that job.
Anyway, I was stressed and feeling stuck. I knew I had to do something to get away. I wanted to relax for a while, then come home, take a deep breath, find a new job, and start over. 'Cause we had a pretty bad start to 2017.

click here to see April's photo dump

On April 5th, my dad booked three tickets to New Hampshire  - one for me, one for LaKaysha, and one for Felicity. I was so excited! I could hardly believe we were actually going. The plane ticket alone completely drained me of money, but I didn't even care. I needed a break from life. *winks*
My cousins, Kirsten and Emily were able to book tickets on the same flight out there. So use five girls began to plan a trip to the East Coast!
My great-grandpa died, and family came from all over the place to attend the funeral.
The beautiful Ranch that my grandpa owned my whole life, got sold, he packed it all up, and now there are new owners. But we have the memories. And such beautiful ones that are. *hearts*
I came down with a cold or something, and I've been so sick in all my life. I came in and out of it for three days. Burning so hot with a fever that I thought a pool of ice water would feel nice. I slept on the couch most of the time. Barely strong enough to walk to the bathroom. I someone made it out to our garage bedroom each night, but one morning, when I came in the house, I only made it to the kitchen before I started passing out. I was able to lay down and drink some orange juice to keep from passing out. That was pretty awful, but I was thankful I got it before our trip.
Julia wrote a poem for my picture, and of course I was tickled pink. go read it if you haven't already. *all the love*

click here to see May's photo dump

On May 9th, we boarded the plane and headed to New Hampshire.
These memories are probably the best I have from 2017. I, along with my sisters, spent almost a month at my grandpa and grandma's house, and we had a wonderful time. Didn't see much of Felicity, because it was then that she met the guy she had been talking to for quite some time, and they officially started dating. Oh the night of Felicity coming in the bedroom all starry-eyes. *winks* I met my little twin cousins, and they are adorable! Let me tell you! Enough to make you burst!
Kirsten and Emily spent two weeks out there with us, and we had a wonderful time! Visited Boston the day before they flew out, and that was the grandest of times! We also seen a beautiful sunset. Went to Pickity Place. Climbed a "mountain". 
And after Kirsten and Emily went home,
I learned to drive a stick-shift.  I got fidget spinner. Went bowling for the first time - glow bowling too. And then we had to say bye, on June 2nd. But I'll be back! Someday. *winks*

click here to see June's photo dump 

June. I was having a hard time getting used to being home. *laughs* after a month, you get used to the "new norm" and it took about a month to get back into the "old". *winks*
But summer had come! Which meant hanging out on the barn roof, swimming, picnics, blue skies (this is important, y'all *winks*), riding around with the windows down, sunglasses, and campfires.
We made a trip up to the mountains just to hang out up there in the fresh air.
I got a kitten! (She's now a cat, the cutie *winks*)

click here to see July's photo dump

Felicity's boyfriend visited for the Fourth of July, and we managed to do a whole summers worth of fun stuff in the ten days that he was here. We went to see the volcano. Hiked "Felicity's mountain". Went to the beach and climbed The Column - the same day. Then Josiah flew back to New Hampshire.
And I then went up to my aunts and uncle for two weeks to help babysit while they went away for their anniversary. (stayed an extra week just for fun *winks*) That was a fun time! (miss you Chase <3)
By the time we went home, it was August. *smiles*

click here to see August's photo dump

About this time, I started freaking out about turning 18 in October. *laughs at myself*
Made another trip to the beach and column.
And then we made a weekend camping trip to the mountains! It was so. much. fun. You don't even know. Can't wait to do it again!
The eclipse happened of course. *winks*

click here to see September's photo dump

September came, and with it some scares with my grandpa's health.

Felicity flew to New Hampshire to visit Josiah, and when she left I knew she'd being coming back with a ring on her finger - and I wasn't wrong. *winks* 

My mom and dad made an unexpected trip to NH during Felicity's trip, and me and LaKaysha were left home to get the bro to drivers ed, make sure the kids got school done, and somehow keep the house rolling until our parents got home. We did it too. *winks* 

It didn't rain for a long, long time. And we had to stay inside due to smoke from forest fires. I sure didn't like that. There were fires all around us. And we just sat in the middle. Talk about scary. 

On September 7th, it was ten years since my grandma passed away. And that day I was at my grandpa's, having a baking day for his hunting trip with the grandsons. That was fun, and tiring. *laughs* 

Then it finally rained. 

And I got a job, working once a week. I've been loving that cleaning job. <3

Fall came.

click here to see October's photo dump 

The month that I had been scared of because I didn't want to turn eighteen. But the fourteenth came. And the fourteenth went. And I spent my eighteenth birthday wedding dress shopping. 

I just ran around loving fall to death (literally - it dead. And now winter's trying to take it's place in my life *winks) 

Nothing to amazing happened in October. 

We just planned the wedding - and we're still doing that. *winks* 

And we planned the shower.

click here to see November's photo dump 

November, huh? It was busy. And it just fleeeewwww by. Thanksgiving came. Josiah visited. Kirsten visited. We somehow pulled off the shower. Helped my aunts move into their adorable little house. 

Worked. Got a cold. Got better. Got another cold. 

And November was gone. *winks* 

click here to see December's photo dump

Christmastime!
We went to find some snow. But it turns out we we've seen snow anyway. *winks* It snowed on Christmas Eve and I had a white Christmas for the second time in my life!

Goals for 2017: 

Visit my grandparents in New Hampshire.  been there, done that. *grins*

Try a Grinder. of course I did that. *winks*

Get a job. so far, so good. *laughs*

Ice skate on a pond (maybe Grassy?) hahaha. nope. I had wanted to go to NH for Christmas, but life happened. *laughs*

Visit the Ranch again? nope. it's sold.

Go to the Memorial Day Campout. I wasn't able to do this because I was in NH. *winks*


Goals for 2018:

Visit New Hampshire again. 

Go visit that my aunt and uncle at least once. 

Don't trip while walking down the aisle in the wedding

Hang out with my pen pal.

Hike Silver Star.

Go camping.

Go ice skating. 

Make adventures happen. 

2018. I wish I could say I was ready for you. *laughs* but I'm sure you'll be full of adventure.

*special thanks to all who were there for me in 2017. My Mommy. My Daddy. My grandparents. Aunties. Cousins. And you too, "Roberta". I wouldn't have been able to make it through without you guys. LOVE YOU ALL*

Christmas, Growing Up, The New Year Coming || Update on This Life

I had really wanted to dump a million posts on you guys this month. But that's probably not gonna happen. 'Cause this is the first time I've gotten around to sitting down at the computer in a long time. Life has been so crazy. But mostly that craziness is in my mind. My mind is so full. Christmas. But mostly it's the wedding. I lay in bed at night and I imagine the day of the wedding. And I freak out.
Send help, please.

Yesterday was the Warnke Family Christmas at my Grandpa's house.
It was so much fun, and I loved it.
But it didn't feel like Christmas. That's okay, though. Sometimes the feeling doesn't come. But I don't believe it's gone forever. Even if I never get it until I am married and have children of my own. I believe the Christmas feeling will come back. Maybe next year, even.

So, what's been up in my life? What has been making the weeks pass so fast? I don't really know. We go to church on Sunday, I work on Wednesday, repeat. But. it used to be that on the days in-between, I was sitting home. That hasn't been true these days. I've been going to town more. Christmas shopping. Running errands. And sometimes, me and LaKaysha just don't feel like sitting home so we make up a reason to leave the house.
On Saturday we even went to visit Marissa and Marita at their adorable house. After going to town just because. We also stopped at Arrowhead on our way over to the aunts', and I got a Peppermint Italian Soda. Yumminess.

Who else is in total shock that Christmas is in one week!? 

One. Week. Only seven days.
How did this happen?
Wasn't it just summer? I really feel like it was just summer.

But what's even crazier - 2018 is practically tomorrow! 
That number scares me. Next year scares me. This is the first time in my entire life that I have no idea what life will be like in the next year. What will life be like without Felicity? I. Have. No. Idea.
At all.
I've been making some plans for 2018. I mean, besides the wedding coming up on January 20th.
But even with these hopes and plans for next year, I have no idea what it's gonna be like.
And of course that scares me! Wouldn't that scare you?

excited for Christmas?
scared of next year? 

2016 in Review

 I thought I'd review 2016 with you all. *smiles* I may not have had a very excited year. I can't say that I did anything as awesome as my sister (because adventures like New Hampshire and New York City would have been awesome), but here goes the post anyway.

// I started 2016 out with a bang. The second the clock struck 12 and we were no longer in 2015, someone gave the signal and all the guns went off! It was loud and wonderful! *grins*

//In January I served in the wedding of two wonderful people and had a wonderful time. It was a crazily busy week and I was so sad when it was over. I just didn't know what to do. All those months of planning, then everyone flies in from out of state and you get to see wonderful people, then they walk down the aisle and it's over. Everyone goes home, they leave for their honeymoon, the church gets cleaned up and that's it. The end. But, hey! I made wonderful memories! *grins at the thought of the "guys" sitting in a dark closet and listening to music just to prove that I have a "normal" family*

at the wedding

//Then my cousin gave us a shock and showed up one day. And wouldn't leave for two whole weeks! *rolls eyes* like, we tried everything to get rid to her! I told her my deepest secrets, I sang karaoke, I tickled her... that girl just stuck around. *winks because I'm joking* But it was so much fun! We went to the mall a bit, headed over to the beach, took pictures just for fun, watched movies, stayed up late... oh! *stares off as I remember*

//I went through Drivers Ed with a cousin of mine and somehow managed to survive. It was stressful for this shy person to have to go twice a week, go on drives once a week, and pass my test drive! Sitting in class wasn't so bad, as long as our teacher didn't ask me a question. He did - once. I just stared at him with wide eyes and shrugged. He never did that again. *winks* The trouble was that I didn't know!
 But I did it and I now have my licenses! *grins* doooone!!!

// In January I started thinking about maybe writing a cousin, and being pen pals with her. I wanted to really bad, but... I'm shy. And in April I finally got up enough nerve, and I wrote her a letter. I was scared to death of what she might think of me. She may be my 2nd cousin, but I had never talked to her before - except for a few comments on our blogs. And I was freaking out when I walked to the post office and sent out that first letter. She answered and wanted to write me too! So now we write and I love it! I'm so glad I put myself through those days of freaking out and wondering what she would think of me. *grins 'cause I know she's reading this*

// My hair began to grow thin and unhealthy. I was tired of having the same hair style since I was five, but still - cutting five inches off was scary!` I did it, though. More like my mom did it but whatever, my hair was five inches shorter than before. I liked it a lot (it was a change), but now that it's growing back, I can't wait for it to be long again! Hopefully healthier, too.

it doesn't look like that big of a change, but it was *winks*

// On my cousin's birthday we walked around Y-ville and on the railroad tracks. That was fun! It's really a cute town, and I love it! (that huge tree to the right of the train is the Christmas Tree)

// Memorial day came around, and with it our church campout. And I went. It was so much fun! The two hour drive in the "bus", the walking around the campground and the non-stop eating. *winks* The singing around the fire... watching the volleyball games! And the beautiful water falls! Even the drive home was a lot of fun! LaKaysha fell asleep on me, and I just sat there and ate the snacks I bought at the adorable little store! I even wished that the drive could be a little longer - not just two hours.

//my parents went to Texas along with my two younger siblings. So us older girls were home alone for ten whole days! We watched a bunch of "girly movies" (we may only have one brother, but he tends to "rule" what we watch *winks*) and just had a wonderful time being the only ones home. My cousin came and visited and stayed with us, one weekend. We ate a bunch of food, naturally. *winks* We watched "Gunsmoke" a lot while they were gone - and my cat (kitten at the time) watched with us. I like to pretend that he misses Matt. *winks*

// This year, for the Fourth of July, my family went to the Rodeo! I hadn't been in years and I enjoyed it a lot! The music, the announcer... the cowboys!!! *dies*

// We also made it up to Tri-Cities and seen my aunt and uncle! And of course I had a blast with Kirsten. And seeing Kaaren for the first time was like the whole point of the trip - wasn't it? *winks because it wasn't* Kirsten brought us to a 50s Diner in her Jeep and we melted the whole way there and the whole way back to her house. But we made great memories! And without the heat, my milkshake might not have tasted so good. *winks*

blurry I know - but it gives it character. *winks*

//One dream did come true this year! I went on a Ferris wheel! I've always dreamed of it and it was just as much fun as I thought! I want to go again! Maybe in the dark? Wouldn't that be so cool!? *grins because there is one right down the road from me every summer*

// and then I met my pen pal. *giggles* we must have been a sight. We're both shy, so we didn't do much talking, but I don't think it was an awkward silence... I hope she didn't think so. I seen her three times before she left. I hope to see her again someday, and maybe I'll force myself out of my shyness and be myself! We did talk the day she came over to my house, so we didn't just stare at each other. *winks*

//I packed my bag and once again I prepared for a trip. We went to my grandpa's ranch. I had the most fun I've ever had in one weekend! It was the best! All the boys running wild, getting so dirty you can hardly recognize them. I did I bit of "running wild" myself. *winks* Four-wheeler's are just the best!! That first ride when we first got there - I just wanted to scream I was so happy to feel that wind and smell those trees! *sighs* Then, as we were going down the driveway LaKaysha yelled, "This is freedom!!" And I couldn't  agree more! But you can read all about that trip here.

// I graduated! I am done with school!!! See some pictures from my party here.

// pretty soon I was packing again to go to The Ranch again! This trip wasn't as fun-packed, but I did finally go to the "upper pond"! Because not as many people were there that time, I had more time to run around and take pictures of randomness. We spent most of our time playing "Marrying Mr. Darcy" - that card game is so fun!! Who else has played it?

// We visited a local fort this year. I think it was my first time there. It was a lot of fun - and it was the first time I wore boots after the summer! I like summer, but I have this thing for boots, and when I can finally wear them again I rejoice. *winks* But really, the fort was so cool! In front of the fort was a timeline, starting in 1940 - and when you got into the fort you had traveled back to 1840! Isn't that cool? And my cousin was there and we never seen her! She and her family got there the same time as ours, and we somehow never bumped into each other! And it's not a very big fort. Crazy. *winks*

//I turned seventeen this year! It sounds so old for little me, but that now is my age. Scary. I hate to think that I will be eighteen next year!! *dies* But hey, that's not till October. That's not for a long time... *remembers how fast this year past* *looks doubtful*
But I had a wonderful birthday - complete with a rain storm, a pumpkin milkshake, a random, not-planned party, and ending it all with "Road to Avonlea". A great birthday. *smiles*

// when my cousin, Kimberly came down for the weekend she, LaKaysha, and Emily took me out to Olive Garden for my birthday. We had fun laughing and chatting - and riding with Kimberly when she doesn't know the roads or how to get anywhere. It doesn't help much when we don't know for sure how to get places. But we must've known enough because we never got lost. Though there were times were we would be getting closer and closer to a traffic light and we're all screaming, "WHICH LANE!?" and finally one of us decided which one it should be. Or when I'm the one in the front and I have no idea how to get to Grandpa's from church so I tell LaKaysha and Emily to yell directions from the back - then they get to talking and don't pay attention. Suddenly Emily yells, "Turn here!" Then LaKaysha and Emily are both telling her to turn, but forget to mention which way. So Kimberly practically stops in the road and asks, "Which way!?" Finally one of them realized and told her. It was funny. *winks*

// Kaysha and Roger had a Harvest Party, and I went dressed as a tree. I actually felt really pretty in my costume. *grins* It was for this party that I made my very first pumpkin pie. Then my Grandpa went and made one for Thanksgiving, and made mine look like a very cute attempt. *winks*

// When Thanksgiving came around I was very ready for it. We went to my Grandpa and Sue's house, as always, and enjoyed having the time with family.

// When my cousin Kirsten came to visit we all welcomed her with open arms! Even though she broke the door off one of our cabinets. *winks* She's just a ball of fun, and we don't have to do anything special when she's here. We just "chill" and she has fun. She's one of those friends who walks in the house and just says, "Where's your room?". She's not one for formal hellos or goodbyes. She just walks into your life and fits in like she's lived here her whole life, and then she leaves. And of course we miss her when she's gone. (I mean come on - she bought me coffee and a record! *winks*)



don't ask me why we're holding hands... 'cause I don't know ;)


// and of course with Kirsten came her family - baby sister Kaaren, and all her wonderful brothers. But Tyrel. He lives in New Hampshire, so of course he wasn't there. *winks*

// and now we come to this month - December. This month has been filled with family get-togethers, visiting, gifts, and all those Christmas-y stuff.

// We had the "Warnke Christmas" on Saturday, and I had a wonderful time! Us girls decided to do our gift exchange there, because we just couldn't find a time to do our own party.
Marissa had drawn my name - and she got me some wonderful things that just scream "Daminika!". She must know me. *winks* She got me a book that I have never read, and I'm looking forward to it! It's called "The Silent Songbird" and it's by Melanie Dickerson. She also got me a 2017, Thomas Kinkade, Disney calendar!! *squeals* the pictures are so beautiful!!!! And a Walt Disney quote on a coffee cup!! It's simple and amazing! (I drank tea in it last night while watching "Father Knows Best") She also got me bobby pins - and they're for my hair color. *claps* So, yeah - she spoiled me. My cousin, Kimberly got me a sign that says "Live, Laugh, Love" on it from Hobby Lobby - it's so pretty!! Each year we do family gift exchanges and Marissa and Marita got my family. What do you think they bought us? The first season of "Father Knows Best"! Among other things. *winks*

//Yesterday we all hung out at my Grandpa's and visited my aunt and uncle who came down from Cheney for the "Warnke Christmas" (Kimberly and her family). We played a game, played with cousins... just did the usual things we do at our family get-together's.

//We have snow! More came falling down on us while we were having our Christmas party. It looked so beautiful. But at home - in our "warm pocket" we didn't get any. Until today. We woke up with a white world smiling at us. But it'll melt soon - just you wait. *winks*

Huck - thinking he can jump over the snow *winks*

and now my...
2017 Bucket List

Here's where I'm gonna list a bunch of random things that I want to do with this whole new year. A fresh year with nothing in it. Like an empty page waiting to be filled. Some of these things I probably will never do, but it's be fun to see which ones I do get done.

Visit my grandparents in New Hampshire. Just a dream, but oh how wonderful it would be if it came true!

Try a Grinder. because I crave one. How do you crave something you've never had? - I don't know. *winks*

Get a job. Since I would need money in order to go to New Hampshire. I do have some money put aside - leftover from graduation money, but it's not enough. So I will have to get a job of some sort. I would prefer a babysitting job, or something like that.

Ice skate on a pond (maybe Grassy? *winks*). I haven't done this in years! I love ice skating - the one reason I wish we did get snow a lot. I seen a picture of people ice skating on Grassy in New Hampshire this year and was so jealous. *winks*

Visit The Ranch again? If it's truly not sold? (you have no idea how many times I've said "bye" to that wonderful place and then gone back) It would be so wonderful if all those people from Tri-Cities could join us again! That was so much fun! Like Kaysha and Roger's wedding - it's a memory that makes me so happy I'm sad. *winks*

Go to the Memorial Day Campout. Once again - a dream. Without a job, how could I afford to go to New Hampshire and the campout and the Ranch? Boy, that sure would be some awesome year, though. *winks*

How was your year?