a new year letter {2022}

         " And suddenly I realized 

that every single thing in my life

is fleeting, and that only God

is eternal. "

 Dear Twenty-Twenty-Two, 

I have never experienced a year full of such change. When this year started, I was just  beginning to see the end of a long, dark tunnel. Just barely believing that there was hope, and that I would indeed make it through. With a dark winter and holiday season behind me, I buckled up for the ride we called 2022. And what. a. ride. I had no idea what I was in for. I had no way of knowing that by the end of that fresh new year I would have watched two of my wonderful siblings marry their best friend. I had no way of knowing that I would once again be an auntie to a darling little unknown baby who we call "Baby Pooh". Or that we would sell our home of seven years and move to an old farmhouse in The Flats. A new home, a new and improved family. And a new bedroom, all to myself. There has been so many changes in this year, but it has been a good one, and I have never felt so much like myself. I may not be where I always thought I would be by twenty-three. And maybe I have no idea what I'm doing or why God has me here, but that's just it: HE HAS ME HERE. I wasn't just dropped here. I have not been forgotten. My life hasn't somehow fallen through the cracks of God's Plan. He has me here for a reason. Here. Twenty-Three. Single. Sleeping alone every night. Living with my parents and sister here on "The Farm". Here. 

But back in January, I had no clue I would end up here. Back in January I was still struggling with some health problems that had started back in October of 2021 (and stayed till March). I was going through a lot personally through most the year  and January was no exception. I was still recovering from the wrecks that were 2020 and 2021, but I was muddling through. Putting my all into being an auntie to Kate and Gideon, working on being the friend my friends deserve, and cleaning houses with LaKaysha (like always). My brother was just beginning his relationship with his prairie girl and watching them fall in love (even over long distance) was a joy. and in a flash February was gone and it was March. 

With March came a family trip to the desert to see Auntie A and Uncle Tim. Even Felicity and Josiah came and we spent a fun weekend visiting. In April Brynna came to visit the bro - and us, and what fun! My health problems were finally gone and I was able to enjoy her visit to the fullest. And that  trip (for her) it was set in stone (literally) that she would be my sister. For that was when Chancy proposed to her and she said yes! And still I can't believe how blessed I am to have that girl for my sister-in-law. <3 By the end of April it was obvious that something was happening in the life of my old friend and dear cousin. And it was in May that I got to witness a miracle. God took my cousin, dug her up from the pit she as in and SAVED HER! Have you ever been present as Heaven rejoiced for a lost soul? I will never forget the feeling of knowing she was going to be okay. Or the song we were singing when I watched the change happened in her: 

He lives, oh the bliss of this glorious thought

My sin not in part but the whole

Is nailed to the cross and I bare it no more!

PRAISE THE LORD, PRAISE THE LORD, O MY SOUL!!

{it is well with my soul}

And now she is home. She's saved! And I have my friend back. She came flying back into my heart and my life almost as if she had not left all those years ago. And now we're back to our silly giggles that keep LaKaysha up at night, and our hours long talks. Nothing has moved me more than to be able to sit there beside her and watch Jesus' Light shine out from her soul. Or to sit beside her in church and know that it is well with her soul. It still moves me. It still gives me chills - the good kind of chills - and it still brings tears to my eyes. PRAISE THE LORD, PRAISE THE LORD, O MY SOUL!!! 

Later that month Brynna surprised us with another visit! Took her to the beach and just spent a lot of chill time together. And soon May was coming to an end. And with that came Memorial Day. I went to the annual church campout along with LaKaysha, Liberty and Damara. We camped with Auntie A and her family and had a great time. Liberty left that  campout with a boyfriend, though her and Byron didn't become officially couple till a week later, which put us in June. 

June was a busy month because it was the month that the bro got married, and that required traveling to South Dakota for the wedding. We did our first and only sibling road trip. I traveled with LaKaysha, Chancy, and Liberty and we headed out a week early, to get Chancy to his girl. That SD trip was so fun, and honestly one of my favorite memories from the year. I was blessed to be able to stand beside Brynna  as she became Mrs. Chancy Stenersen. We had a bit of a scare when Chancy got sick with food poisoning just three days before the wedding, but he was able to stand up there and get married without a hitch. I also sang in the wedding as well as was a bridesmaid. It was honestly the most wonderful experience to be able to sing the song that my great-grandma wrote for my grandma's wedding. It made me wish Grandma could see her little grandson up there getting married, but I managed not to cry. I sang it with my sisters, and three of Brynna's sisters. And though we were all over the place during rehearsal we were told we did great at the actual wedding, so that good, lol. 

Traveled home with a "caravan" of us - just three vehicles, lol. Sometimes I rode with the parents, and sometimes I rode with "the aunts" (Marissa and Marita). We sang Disney songs on top of our lungs (Pete's Dragon {1977} soundtrack  anyone??), stopped in Gillette, WY just to chill, and you should've heard the squeals when we got our fist glimpse of mountains in the distance. I enjoyed the SD sunsets, and being at the lake where we stayed, as well as being with my SD girls, but this born and raised PNW girl needs her some mountains and trees. <3 

It seems like we were just barely home from this trip when our little house was sold and soon we were packing up to move out to "The Farm". But before we were able to do that we were hit with a sickness that had us all down for a couple weeks. I've never been so sick in all my life. But the next thing we knew we had made it through that, had moved to a new house and July was mostly gone. That's when we learned "Baby Pooh" would be coming in April of 2023. I can't wait to hold that sweet child and kiss their little face. This auntie is counting the days till April <3 

With moving and sickness behind us I was finally able to enjoy summer in August, with swimming, a beach day with dear friends, and three fair days. Somehow in the middle of this crazy and chaotic life we found time to spend time at the fair on three separate days. Went to my first ever concert and seen Martina McBride live from the grandstands! As well as the rodeo, and tuff trucks. And the fair food was definitely Worth the Wait! There's just something about an evening spent at the fair, eating food, and looking at the animals. 

Summer took forever to leave the PNW, taking up all of September and most of October. It was weird to spend my fall birthday breathing in wildfire smoke and praying for rain. 

Liberty and Byron got engaged in September, so October and November were crazy months filled with wedding planning. Took a trip up to the desert so LaKaysha could practice singing with Uncle Tim, as Liberty had asked them to sing in her and Byron's wedding. And on December 2nd, we got yet another one of my siblings married, and I stood in that wedding too. Chancy and Brynna had been living with us while their little house out back was being built, and the day after Liberty and Byron's wedding, they moved out. Overnight half the people who were living here and taking their meals here had moved on. Life was changed in a flash. We decorated for Christmas. I moved into my own bedroom for the first time in my life, and we slowly started to adjust to this new home life. 

Its been a hard, but good change. I spent the first couple weeks crying myself to sleep alone in my big empty bed. But I can now honestly say that I am getting used to it, and I do love my life. I truly do feel that I am thriving for the first time in way too long. My family is growing so fast with weddings and babies, life is a whirlwind of changes, but isn't this the life I wanted? Maybe none of the weddings were mine, and maybe I'm not counting down the days till the birth of my own child. But these are the things I've prayed for. For years life moved on, round and round, almost as if nothing would change. And just like that. Nothing will ever be the same. Sometimes I wish life would slow down, but then I remember this is exactly what I asked God to do with 2022. I asked Him if this could please be the year that something would happen. And God said, "Buckle up." 

I doubt things will calm down in 2023, with another cousin getting married in February (though I doubt I will be able to make it to that, sadly) and a trip planned for May with the aunts and LaKaysha. A well overdue single "sisters" trip. But mostly in 2023 I just want to go with the flow and let God work His plan for my life. If 2022 taught me anything, it's that life happens fast - why, in January we didn't even know who Byron was and now he's a member if our wonderful family - And that God is working, and things will happen right On Time. 

I seen this quote back in July and it hit me as exactly how I feel about 2022: 

Everything has changed and yet

I am more me than I have ever been 

 

This year I loved. I laughed. I hugged some wonderful people. I grieved. I cried. I healed and I hurt. I started crocheting again and I read great books. I played with my niece and nephew. I played my music loud and sang on top of my lungs. And I've been learning  to dance in the rain. Funny. Because at the beginning of this year I picked a quote to be my "quote for the year". It's one you all probably know, especially if you've been around my blog for a while. And it's one I have always loved: 

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass

It's about learning to dance in the rain. 

    

            " I have found July is just July 

Rainy days will pass you by

You can let go of the ways it could have gone. 

Take a second, take a breath

Take the minutes that you get, cause the rest is just 

a little later on. 

later on." 

Happy New Year!

Daminika

but at the end of the day October is still my favorite

 

The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong. 

~ Laura Ingalls Wilder

And just like that, it's   O c t o b e r . 

And for the first time ever, I am not excited about it. For years now, I have written an update in October. And, though my blogging has kinda died out, I knew I still wanted to do this. I still wanted to look back on what has happened between now and last October. God has been so good, and has blessed us so much. He has blessed me with the worlds greatest sister-in-law, and a pretty great future-brother-in-law. By the end of this year we will have married off two of my siblings - leaving just me and LaKaysha at home. Our family has grown so much, and yet home-life has shrunk, you know? 

Since last October we have added to our family; Gideon, Brynna and her "Baby Pooh", and soon Byron will be officially family (as if he wasn't officially added the moment he and Liberty started dating because we're one of those weird families, lol). I honestly had forgotten that last October we didn't even know if Gideon was a boy or a girl, so it's strange to think that now we have so many other people added to our once-family-of-seven. Now we are a family of soon-to-be thirteen. THIRTEEN. What!? I know that's not really a huge family, but it blows me away how quickly we grew. And how quickly we could still grow. Crazy. Chancy and Brynna's baby is due to arrive in April 2023, and I just can't wait to be an auntie again. It was kinda crazy to realize that I will have to share this baby with Brynna's family, but it's okay - being an auntie is amazing, so I will let Molly and Maybel be aunties to this baby too *winks*

Why am I not excited for October? 

I don't actually know. Maybe it's due to the fact that Fall in taking forever to come to the PNW this year. Or maybe it's because I will turn 23 next week. *wrinkles nose* Gross, I'm old. I am now way older than Felicity was when she married Josiah. And maybe it's because my eighteen-year-old baby sister is getting married in December. Or maybe it's all the crazy changes going on around me, without anything changing in my life, as far as big things. I am still single. I am still cleaning houses with LaKaysha (even though we are struggling to hold on to clients). I am still living at home. Still share my car with LaKaysha. But you know what? I will be getting my own room when Liberty is married. *laughs* there's something. I have never had my own room. And I have never not shared a bed with LaKaysha, but maybe this is God's way of preparing us to finally go our separate ways? Who's to say, really. Either one of us could meet someone and leave the other behind. And maybe now we'll actually be prepared for that change. 

Besides adding to our family, so many other things have changed in my life. We have moved! As I'm sure you know. We moved to a farm in the Flats and honestly nothing has ever felt so right. I love how the sun shines through the tree outside my window in the morning. I love how the birds sing like crazy in the evening. I love how beautiful the fog is, and I love the cows in the field, and the smell of hay, and the barn, oh how I love how cute that barn is. But I think my favorite part of living here is falling asleep to the sound of elk bugling, or coyotes yipping. There's just nothing like laying in the comfort of your own bed, listening to the wild animals wander the fields. just ahhhh *hearts for days* 

And the best change of all - my darling cousin and best friend has FOUND CHRIST!!! Heaven is rejoicing for her, and I am too! Having her back in my life has been the most wonderful thing. She's come down and visited twice now, and each time we stay up till wayyy too late visiting, and sometimes I have to just lay there next to her in awe. Hearing her talk about God makes my heart leap for joy. And sitting beside her in church, and knowing she's no longer lost... sometimes I get overwhelmed. God is SO GOOD. I can't even put into words how wonderful this is. I just thank God everyday that He has brought her home. *praising God forever over this*

It's now been over a year since Abi went Home, and going on a year since we lost my mom's dear friend, Susie. I have never really dared to share how hard losing Susie was for me. I guess I was afraid people would think I had no right to hurt so much for someone I hadn't even seen in years, or someone I have never even spoken to personally, just hung around with her and my mom through the years. But my pain is real, and it doesn't matter if people think I have no "right" to grieve her. The truth is I have had to grieve this loss. But now, coming up on a year, I can truthfully say I am doing better. I am no longer angry with God. Last year, when this was all fresh and I was really struggling, I had a dream. A dream I believe was from God, and I know it was meant to be a comfort. And for a while there I wondered why God would give ME that dream, when Susie's own family could use the comfort more than me. And that's when I realized that it was okay for me to grieve for me. It's okay that I was hurting. And maybe now I am ready to share that dream? I wrote it down in my diary, and now I've been thinking about maybe sharing it on here for Susie's family to see. What do you think? Should I dig out that old diary and relive that dream for the sake of maybe bringing comfort to someone who may need it?? 

But enough about sad things! It's fall (even if the weather still believes it's summer), and I am so ready to be doing all the falls things. Going to the pumpkin patch, drinking fall drinks, and eating fall treats. So ready for this. And this year I've been wanting to watch some cozy-fallish movies and shows. Any suggestions? 

Been diving into wedding planning... here we go again. Lol. 

So you know the saying, "Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride"? Well, what happens when you've been FOUR times a bridesmaid?? *laughs*

I hope you all are doing great, and I hope your weather is cooler than mine!!

Until next time, 

summer '22 || photo dump

 

dirty windshield + smoky skies = summer at it's best

Okay, I can't be the only one who finds it very strange that we are living in the "the 20s". Like, where has the time gone!? I mean, this IS coming from a person who still finds it odd that it's no longer 2008, soooo *laughs* 

A N Y W H O 

How have you all been?? I truly do miss you guys. I miss blogging regularly, but mostly I miss YOU GUYS. I miss commenting back and forth and reading all the posts and sharing our stories with each other. But, ah, time. It goes by so fast. And quite frankly, I just don't have the time to engage with my blogger friends like I did in the beginning. But the few comments I get whenever I actually do a post still make me smile. Because I DO miss you guys. So please, tell me all about your lives in the comments! What have you been up to? How was your summer? You a young punk and going back to school now? Or are you old like me? Has anything huge happened in your life since we last talked?? I really wanna know. 

But enough of you. What's new with me? 

Oh my. So much. 

Here I sit, wearing my grandpa's old flannel, sipping tea, and wishing desperately it was fall. I know. I know. "Summer is the best season". Haha well, surprise! I'm still me and fall is still my favorite season! But we won't get into that now. We can save that for my October Update (which I am very much looking forward to writing!). For now, let's dump some photos from this summer on you. (who's been here since my first photo dump!?) 

First. The South Dakota Wedding: 

Life:

With all the changes going on in my life, I won't deny being overwhelmed and sad. So I decided I needed a moment with Grandma. After running errands in town, I grabbed a coffee and some lunch, and went to have a picnic at the cemetery. It's strange how healing it is to stare at a headstone and know your loved one is in Heaven. (Today, the day that this post was posted, marks the day Grandma went Home. 15 years ago. 09.07.07)

A random day at the beach!

In the middle of the craziness of moving to the farm, we took the time to hike "our mountain". We were trying for a sunset hike, but in came the fog. Still beautiful up there!

And now. The fair:

 I hope your summer was amazing and the rest of the year treats you well! Until next time.

a pinterest board only it's actually my life

"Let us live like flowers

wild and beautiful

and drenched in sun."

- Ellen Everett 

"And Suddenly, you know...

it's time to start 

something new and trust 

the magic of beginnings."

"There are far, far 

better things ahead

than any we have

left behind."

-CS Lewis

"One day you will look back and see

that all along you were blooming."

"How cool is it that 

the same God who created 

sunsets and oceans and galaxies 

thought the world needed one of you."

"Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I've ever been."

independence day | no words

weddings + changes

H E L L O   A G A I N

I am back from vacation and, well folks, we did it. We got my brother all hitched up to Brynna and they're the cutest ever! Our trip to South Dakota for their wedding had it's ups and downs, with Chancy getting sick three days before the wedding, and all the emotions of weddings and goodbyes, but I will always look back on it fondly. The beautiful sunsets. All the hugs and "I love you"s. The drives with my SD girls. 

The day before the wedding is when it all started to become real - my brother was getting married! That morning we met at the church, and the chaos began. The flowers were getting done, we were setting up the reception, we ran out of stars for the tables and people were scrambling to make more, wrapping the tables in paper, and you know, all the wedding things! And later that day, Natasha came!! I am so happy that she made that four hour drive (ALONE!) to come see me!! Even if she did spend most her time just watching me run around, and watching rehearsal and all that jazz. And the next thing we knew it was wedding day!

(Still don't have any pictures with Chancy or Brynna because the photographer took those)

Can you believe that it wasn't even that long ago that I didn't even know these girls and now they're like sisters (and one IS my sister!)!? It still blows me away how amazing God is. He brought these girls into my life right when I needed them, and it turns out that they needed me too. And it was so hard to leave them. We cried and hugged and cried and hugged and cried and hugged some more. 

But boy does it feel good to be home now! You should have heard us squealing when we got the first glimpse of mountains on the way home, like AHHHH!!! 

And now that we're home - summer has hit the PNW (finally) and it hit HARD (100* F!?) annndddd our house sold. *nods* yes, you read that right. After 6.5 years in this house, we are moving! It's crazy because back when I first started this blog we moved into this house. Back then I didn't even know Natasha. Felicity wasn't even married. So much has happened in the years in this house. So much has changed. But I'm excited to move on to the farmhouse in "the flats"! This is a new adventure, and I can't wait to get started! 

Another change in life, is Liberty has a boyfriend (LIKE WHAT?). And before you ask - I am still single as single can be, lol. It's not at all what I had wanted for my life, but I am learning to trust that God knows what He's doing. (trying my best)

WHAT ARE SOME CHANGES HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE?

SHOULD I DOCUMENT THE MOVE ECT AND SHARE IT HERE??