
Tuesday, October 4, 2022
but at the end of the day October is still my favorite

Tuesday, May 31, 2022
just hug them
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| first beach day with B |
H E L L O !
If you are reading this, then you are a true one, because that means you have found my new blog address! I have had to tweak my blog address just a bit, so if you are here, then you must be amazing! (or you're a creepy stalker, in which case, could you please leave? thanks xP)
I think spring is finally here to stay, Which is lovely because summer is fast coming. Tomorrow is the first of June, my baby sister is finishing up her last year of school, and next week we leave to South Dakota for Chancy and Brynna's wedding. N E X T W E E K . um, what? How did that come so fast!? I am not ready - but I keep telling myself that as long as I have the things I need for the wedding: my bridesmaid dress and my shoes, nothing else matters and ready or not, here it comes! Oh yeah, I am standing in the wedding!! I am so excited! Also singing in it too. *hides* my great-Grandma wrote a song for my Grandma when she married my Grandpa. My parents had it in their wedding. My sister had it in her wedding. And now Brynna has asked me and my sisters to sing it in her wedding. This is nothing I've ever done before, and therefore am very nervous. But I just keep telling myself that I am singing my Grandma's song in my brother's wedding and I'll do it with pride. Here's hoping I don't swoon, lol.
Life has been. Just a lot. Let's put it that way. So much is happening in my life, and some of it I can't share right now. But it's about to get insane, people. Insane. And it HAS been insane. Sometimes it feels like I'm drowning. Like it's all just too much. Too much is happening at once. Too much has already happened. But I know we'll make it through. And I am looking forward to sharing some of the exciting things with you, and taking you along with me on the adventures to come.
A lot of the stuff going on in my life is hard. Really hard. At one point I really thought I would never be able to get out of bed again. I wanted to just lie down and give up. I told Brynna that all I wanted was a hug from her. The next day, you won't believe what happened! I was writing in my fresh, new diary, getting ready to dive into all the reasons I had to be depressed, when guess who walked in - the Lady B, herself!! I really was sooo shocked, I just stood there trying not to cry. And then I got my hug. And you know what? It really did help. I think we really need to learn to say, "I need a hug" because hugs are truly amazing and help more than you know. So hug that person who looks sad. Ask for a hug when you need one.
Tell them that you love them.
Hug them.
Say "I miss you" even when they're just down the road.
Call them just to say hear their voice.
Because there's no shame in showing that you care.
It's the little things like that that build us up.
You never know when that smile or shoulder pat will save a life.
And never stop praying for them.
God's truly got this.
Monday, December 27, 2021
the beauty will outweigh the pain || a letter to 2021
change.
can be beautiful and scary at the
same time.
you can be hurting and
wondering what tomorrow will
bring, but you can also be healing
and happy.
sometimes it's best not to
question why you're feeling this
way, but instead experience all of
the emotions change may bring...
change can be a beautiful, but
scary process.
D e a r T w e n t y - t w e n t y - o n e,
How do you write a letter to a year, such as you were?
People were always talking about how crazy 2020 was, and I won't deny falling into that trap. 2020 was nuts, not gonna lie. But, wow, 2021, you. You were a lot to take in.
Where do I even begin?
You started out great. You came along, and I was at the beach along with my sister and the aunts. We had booked a beach house for four nights, so we spent five lovely days there just doing nothing. It was a reset trip. A "time-out" before diving into the year. And it was needed.
"We started the new year dancing to A Good Run of Bad Luck, so
whatever that means. Hahaha" (my diary. 01.01.21)
I was busy with work - cleaning most weekdays, and spending my days off at home doing things around the house, playing with my niece, hanging out with my parents and siblings, and spending Sunday mornings at church with the fam. We got a huge snow storm in February and ended up getting four feet of abnormally fluffy snow. Then came the ice.
"Another day snowed in. Though we haven't gotten any new snow.
But ice. Trees were falling down like crazy, nobody had power all
day. It was crazy. We huddled around the fire and played Trivial
Pursuit most the day." (my diary. 02.15.21)
I had my ups and downs, crying often. Most the year it felt like the world was spinning, spinning, and wouldn't stop no matter how much I begged it to. So many nights I cried myself to sleep and wondered if God knew what He was doing. So many prayers begging God to take my pain, my fears, my anxiety. So many prayers begging Him to take it all out of my hands. Because the weight of it all was crushing me. I've always been told I looked at the world through rose colored glasses. And that's how I've always wanted to be. The girl who could always find something to laugh and smile about, no matter what life throws at her. I did an awful job of that this year. So many times I'd go for drives just to be alone with my music and cry. Death has been running rampage in 2021. It hit hard, and it hit close. Some of the people who have Gone on Before this year I knew well, and some I didn't. But it all hurt. I lost a cousin in July. Dear, fourteen-year-old, Abigail Rose went Home in the night, and left us all feeling lost.
"I hate the past tense words. Because it means she's actually
gone. And we have to go on without her. If this hurts this much
for me, how must Clarissa and Joey be feeling. I've done a lot
of crying in the past week. I haven't really slept at all."
(my diary. 07.20.21)
Grief is hard. It always is, it doesn't matter when or how it hits. And it looks different for everyone. Abi wasn't the only loved one we lost this year. One of my mom's best friends passed away only a few days after Thanksgiving. It was devastating, if I'm honest.
"This can't be real. I keep seeing her smile in my mind. And
hearing her voice. And I hate knowing that'll fade with time.
It won't be so clear. I don't understand why this happened."
(my diary. 11.29.21)
The last few months of 2021 have been hard. It's been hard to get excited for Christmas. But I've gone through the motions the best I've been able to. We got our tree the day after Susie's funeral and have all in all tried to make the best of this time of year. Christmas parties, Christmas music, Christmas movies, light and greenery all over the house. And now, I'm trying to look back on the year and remember the good. Because God has not forsaken us. He's been there all along, blessing my year even when I didn't think it possible.
In April my dear cousin and best friend got married in Montana, and I stood in the wedding. The trip there was short and absolutely crazy-busy, but such a blessed time. I enjoyed running wedding errands with Kirsten, spending time together before she became a married woman. Mrs. Goodrick. It's still so weird for me to think she's actually married. I had really missed her since she moved to Montana, so that time together was treasured. And then, after the wedding I really enjoyed our time at our aunt and uncle's rental house, laughing and talking with sisters and cousins. I was exhausted by the end of that trip, but it was so worth it. I stood beside by best friend while she said "I do" and started her new life with her husband. I'm so glad I got to do that.
"I don't know what the rest of the year will bring, but I
do know that God's got it. He's already there."
(my diary. 03.27.21)
Also in April, I got to meet my cousin's girlfriend and had a lovely weekend hanging out with them and was sad when their visit ended. But didn't have long to dwell on it because before I knew it, I was flying off on another adventure. I flew to New Hampshire with my sisters, bro-in-law, and niece. We spent two weeks there, with family. I, along with my sister, stayed at our grandparents wonderful house for what we didn't know would be our last time. While we were playing video games in the basement with cousins, making food in the kitchen, and visiting in the living room, we had no idea that Grandpa and Grandma would sell the house and move out before the year's end. I'm glad we didn't know. Because we got to just enjoy our time there without being sad about never going back. (though part of me wishes I got to say goodbye to the last link to my childhood. part of me died inside when I heard the house was no longer going to be in my life) That trip turned out to be my favorite. Over the past 7 years I have visited my grandparents five times, so that's saying a lot. Longboarding, coffees, ice cream, late night chats... and by the time we got home, it was May.
A dear friend and cousin (from NH) visited us not long after we got home, and we had a wonderful time with her before she left to Alaska for the summer. And then, we decided (extremely last minute) to go to the campout our church always has every Memorial Day. I drove my sisters and I up there, and it was my first time driving through the city. Crazy, because I drove through there so many times this year. We only stayed at the campout one night, but it was a good time.
May and June flew by with nothing worth noting, but in July my world changed forever. For that was when my darling cousin, Abi went Home. (as I've already said) Though I hadn't seen her in a few years, her passing left me world shattered. And the weeks so come were hard. But God seen me through, and it was because of those hard weeks that I felt the need to go to my cousin's wedding in South Dakota. At the end of July, I ended up going to a wedding seven hours away from our home, along with my sister and brother. Though we were all going through tough times, that sibling trip is one of my favorite memories of you, 2021. And it was seeing my cousin at that wedding that really made me want to be at his.
So, near the end of August, headed out to a state I'd never been to before, where I knew nobody. I really had no idea what to expect from this trip, but something in me said my world was about to change, and this time for the better. It still blows my mind to think what a difference just a few days can make. God was working in my life and I had no idea what He was doing. But he brought me to South Dakota, where I found the dearest friend in the world, and He pulled me from the pit I had been in ever since that day in July. On top of grief, I was struggling to believe anyone could ever love me. I was struggling with how "friendless" I had been. (I am so beyond thankful for the friends who have always been there for me. I, in no way, want them to think I have not noticed all they've done for me. This is just how I'd been feeling) I don't even know how it happened - one day I was scared to death of everyone in South Dakota, and the next I wanted those girls to be a part of my life forever. The wedding was beautiful and the trip was so beyond blessed. I even got to connect with an old friend, and that was sooo needed. It's like God was telling me that I was very much loveable. (would it be weird for me to say that God is sweet?) We only spent four days there in South Dakota, but I left there with a light heart, a new friend (plus her darling sisters), and a rekindled friendship. I left there with the song Brand New playing in my mind.
"I feel like for the first time in a long time, I am not afraid"
(oh where has that brand new feeling gone?)
"Oh my, so much emotions. My heart is so full - it burst.
I have found a true friend who I hope will be there forever.
So much laughter. So many tears. So many thoughts. It's
after midnight and my heart is... full. I don't know any other
way to say it." (my diary. 08.29.21)
Back at home, I dove back into life, but now with a friend to talk to. Those first few weeks of getting to know Brynna more was such fun. Our text conversations are still so dear to me, and I go back and read them often. September came and life moved on. Janeya stopped by on her way home from Alaska, and it was so nice to get caught up with her. I think it was during this time that I was the happiest I had been in a long time. Life was just so good, even though things were still going wrong at times - I guess I was in a place where they were able to just slide off my shoulders.
Soon I was planning yet another trip to South Dakota, but this time just to visit Brynna. On October 14th I turned 22, and the next day we headed out to South Dakota. This time I traveled with my sisters, brother, and a couple West cousins. That trip was so good. It felt so good to hug Brynna and her sisters again. It felt good to have an entire week to laugh and talk and go on adventures and sit "on each others heads". And goodbye was so hard. We hugged and cried and hugged and cried some more. But I wouldn't have missed that trip for the world. Even though it seems like I've just been muddling through ever since. While on our trip, I started to cough, and I still am - though it is much, much better.
And only a few days after Thanksgiving, my mom's friend went Home. Like I've already said, the last couple months of 2021 have been hard. But there's been one light - Gideon Karl. My darling nephew, who made me an auntie two times over. He was born on December 10th, bringing sunshine to our very gray world. And Kate. She's two now and just as much of a joy. I am so blessed to be their auntie.
And now we're here. Ending yet another hard year.
I'm not sure how to end this. How to say goodbye. I'd like to say 2021 has been good to me, but it hasn't. But you know who has been? God has been so good to me this year. And He's still got this.
"And as they sang, the fear and the suffering of the long
winter seemed to rise like a dark cloud and float away on
the music. Spring had come. The sun was shining warm, the
winds were soft, and the green grass growing."
(Laura Ingalls Wilder. The Long Winter)
G O O D B Y E 2 0 2 1,
Daminika
I'm just doing the best I can
I'm just living the life I have
I'm confused but I'm fine with that
The beauty will outweigh the pain
(Reasons to Stay. Kate Vogel)
S O N G S T H A T G O T M E T H R O U G H :
(linked so you can listen and get to know my year in songs)
H a p p y N e w Y e a r!
Sunday, September 5, 2021
South Dakota || 2021
I've had a rough summer. I lost someone very dear to me. I've been dealing with grief. And then it hit how lonely I was. Not just "I want a boyfriend" kind of lonely. But also "am I even loveable?" kind of lonely.
And then for no reason at all it seemed like, I decided to reconsider my decision to not go to my cousins wedding in South Dakota. I didn't even want to go there. I wanted to be at the wedding but South Dakota was so far, and I knew nobody, and so why even bother? But God opened all the doors, so He must want me to go for some reason, right? So I forced myself to go. Even though I was almost panicky at the thought.
And wow, am I glad I did.
I met some amazing people who make me feel loveable. Who make me giggle when I had thought I had forgotten how. Who welcome not only me, but my family (this means a lot to me).
Before coming here I wrote in my diary that I was afraid to go. Afraid because something in me said that after this trip nothing would be the same. And boy howdy. How could things be the same when I now have such a wonderful South Dakota fam?
And I got to see someone I hadn't seen in three years. And we bonded in ways we hadn't done in five or six years.
So many tears this weekend. So much laughter. So much LOVE.
And I haven't even touched on how much the wedding made me cry happy tears. It was truly beautiful. Cody and Shayne were so cute (another reason I cried, lol).
So yeah.
What a time.
Wednesday, April 8, 2020
how I'm dealing with it || 2020-Pandemic
Coronavirus.
COVID-19.
pandemic.
Quarantine.
Stay-at-home-order.
point is. I am not allowed to leave my house but for essential reasons, such as going to the bank, getting food (whether from the grocery store or getting a to-go order from somewhere), or getting gas. I am "stuck" home. trapped. But the funny thing is, even though this has been going on for about a month now, I have never felt trapped in my house. I've never felt the need to get out. I feel fine, actually. I have left the house a few times to for essential reasons (a total of going to the Big Town twice, and the local stores a few times), so maybe that's why I haven't felt trapped?
Or maybe it's because I never did leave my house except for essential reasons anyway. Work, church, run some errands, go home. That's how my life has been for years now.
Yes, I no longer can go to church - which suuuuuuckkksssss. Or work. Which doesn't such all that much *hides*
But I am "trapped" with the people I hang out with anyway - my parents and my siblings.
Every Sunday morning we gather in the living room and listen to an old sermon online (sermons that have been really enjoying, btw) and every night we gather in the living room, as well, and read the Bible and pray. So, this really hasn't been that bad. I miss church a whole lot, but that's pretty much all I miss. So, Sunday's are hard.
But the rest of the week? Honestly, I've been enjoying these weeks home. Like most people, I have lost track of time. Has this been going on for three weeks? Four? idk. How much longer will it go on? idk. Hopefully no more than another month.
I feel like this is God telling us all to relax. Breathe. He's reminding us that we were never in control of our lives to begin with. He's reminding us to trust Him. Maybe he's telling us to focus on the really important things: His Word. Our family's. Focus on the little blessings. The small things that make our day to day life easier. Get outside. Look at the beautiful world He's made for us. Pray more.
Am I crazy for thinking that all this happened to make people slow down? Give this world back to God?
So. What have I been doing with all this time at home?
I've been reading my Bible more. Writing in my diary more. Organizing my thoughts. Reading books. Drinking lots of coffee and tea. Going outside. Hanging with our goats. At night I watch a show or two with my siblings. Chatting with LaKaysha late into the night like we used to when we were kids. Making little treats like brownies, lemonade, and cold brew coffee. Knitting and crocheting. Scrap-booking. Keeping in touch with my long-distance friends. Also, getting a start on my summer tan *winks*

Monday, November 18, 2019
happy november
hello, folks.
Sorry I disappeared again. I really didn't mean to, I just got busy, I guess. Or lazy. I've been so busy, that the above picture is actually from last November. *laughs* please don't judge.
On the 10th of this month, I got to meet my beautiful niece, Kate Marie. She's the most precious thing ever. Right now I am sick with a cold, so must stay away from her, which is the hardest thing ever. I've yet to kiss her or smell her. But if I wear a mask I can hold her, which is nice, though it sucks. I caught this cold literally the day she was born. Talk about horrible timing. Hopefully I will get better soon and I can kiss her little cheeks. I'll do a post all about being an auntie, so no pictures of her right now *winks* most of you probably follow my sister, Liberty, who already posted pictures of her anyway.
This past weekend, LaKaysha and I drove our car over to the other side of the state to visit our aunt and uncle, along with our brother. He did the scary driving, and I drove the rest of the way. It was nice to take our own car on a long drive like that. Maybe one of these days I'll get brave enough to do the entire drive myself. Though I may have a hard time getting Chancy to give up his share of the driving. I think we both enjoy it. The weekend was a good time even though I'm fighting this cold, and so tired easily. It was great to see Kirsten again after that long time she was away in Montana. we got back just yesterday.
Work has been going pretty good. We even have a new client! Remember that our church had to move to a different building? Well we got hired to clean it! LaKaysha and I along with our aunt, Marissa. So that will be nice. We're also hoping to find at least one more client. It seems like we work nonstop as it is, but it sure would be nice to have the extra money to help pay our bills that we have now that we have a car. xP
I know I've been a terrible blogger, and I'm sorry, but don't worry. I have great stuff coming. Mostly a top ten post that I've been working on for quite some time now. I'm really enjoying putting it together, so I hope you guys enjoy reading it just as much. And that brings me to a question that I wanted to ask you guys. Do you even like my top ten lists? I'll probably keep making them, even if you folks don't like them, but I'd still like to know if there's anyone out there who actually enjoying seeing my top ten posts.
Also, are there any posts you'd like to see from me? I haven't done a photo dump since starting up blogging again, but I could start doing that if you guys would like to see them. Maybe a monthly photo dump? Or do one each season? I used to do Beautiful Words posts each month, and I could start that again. Let me know in the comments what you'd like to see from me in the future! I could even start a blogging schedule if you guys would like me to. Maybe that would force me to stay on top of it *laughs*
Saturday, November 17, 2018
a goodbye letter || i'll miss you
dear people of the blogger world,
hello. I've been gone for a month now. In a way I'm sorry, but then, I'm not really.
I just haven't felt like I needed to post. I would think, oh I should really do a blog post. But I never actually wanted to. So I didn't. A couple weeks ago, I decided that I would write this post. But then I ended up with carpal tunnel in my right hand, and typing isn't the best thing for that. So much I needed to get done - blog post, letter to my pen pal, washcloth orders to fill - plus all the regular life stuff, but I couldn't do any of it. I still worked, but my hand would be really sore by the end of the day. And, actually, my hand still gets sore. I'm still wearing the brace for most of the day. But I'm slowly starting to get things done. I still haven't finished that washcloth order, but I'm getting there - knitting only a few rows a day.
And finally I am sitting down to write this post. A goodbye letter.
Because, yes, I'm leaving. I know I had said I would stick it out till the end of the year, but I just can't. I need a break from blogging. For how long, you ask? I honestly couldn't tell you that. My hope is to come back in a year. Maybe sooner, if I suddenly feel the need to come back.
Please don't be mad at me, dear followers. I feel bad that I'm leaving. But I do believe I need this. Because, though I know blogging isn't the most important thing in the world, but without actually stepping back and saying, I need a break. I know that in the back of my mind a voice would be telling me to write, to post, to read blog posts, to comment. I wouldn't be able to relax. Breathe.
Because, it's November. And I still haven't done Septembers Photo Dump. And that bothered me. That's why I'm writing this. So my mind can rest. Knowing that you guys are no longer waiting for that. I am so sorry. I can't really tell you why I'm leaving, I don't really know, I just know that I need to.
I can't say how sad this is for me, but at the same time, it's refreshing.
Maybe someday I'll come back. And when I do, I'll come back with a bang. Promise. *winks*
For those of you who are lucky enough to follow me on Instagram, don't worry, you'll still see what I'm up to. I don't plan on leaving insta.
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. A wonderful Christmas. A wonderful 2019. A wonderful life.
Tuesday, October 2, 2018
Oh look || It's October
Oh look. It's October.
And I never did a September Photo Dump. *facepalm* all the pictures are still on my phone, and I'm just too lazy to download them. So. I'll do that one of these days.
Right now, let's take a moment to appreciate the fact that it's my favorite month again.
It's October!
It's time for Pumpkin Spice Latte's. Time for yummy fall milkshakes at Burgerville. Time for cozy sweaters, good books, hot tea, The Piano Guys. when I'm not cleaning someone's toilets or making random peoples beds. #cleaningladylife
The past two Octobers I've done a life update. So I figured I should probably do one this October. Keep up the tradition, ya know. *winks* The only trouble is, my last post was a life update of sorts. So. What am I supposed to say in this post? Shall I repeat myself? I'll try not to. *winks*
Can you believe I'm almost nineteen? Where has 2018 gone? Like, really. Someone needs to tell time to slow down. The clocks are moving way too fast. The seconds go by faster than they did when I was a kid. Or is that just me?
Nineteen. And just last year I was freaking out because I was turning eighteen. *laughs at my younger self* I guess I could say eighteen has been good to me.
-I stood in a wedding for the first time.
-I made a trip to New Hampshire and made wonderful memories at Grandpa and Grandma's and Felicity and Josiah's.
-I got another job
-Had some adventures with the cousins
I mean, when you think about it. It's been a good age.
and 18 is going out with a bang.
The weekend of my birthday, I am going to the beach. That's the plan anyway.
My first road trip - being the driver. I'll being driving my parents van, and LaKaysha and Chancy will be coming with me. It's not a birthday get-away. We're just going to visit my aunt and uncle while they're staying at the beach. It just so happens to be the weekend of my birthday. Which I think is awesome.
I can pretend I'm going to the beach to say goodbye to 18, right?
Since my birthday is that Sunday, and we'll actually be coming home that Saturday.
That should be fun. *tries not to squeal with excitement*
I'm not afraid of nineteen. I'm actually kinda excited. I haven't been excited for my birthday in years. But I am. *giggles* Maybe it's the beach trip plans? idk.
Though sometimes, when I think about it, I get sad that I'm going to be nineteen, and still I don't have a guy. Still, I don't even know any guy who could, maybe become my boyfriend. Nobody.
I don't like to to admit it, but I'm lonely. For someone I've never met.
What's up with that?
Is there something wrong with me?
I don't think so. I just have to be patient. Even though it's hard.
ANYWAY. ;P
What's up in your October?
Monday, December 18, 2017
Christmas, Growing Up, The New Year Coming || Update on This Life
Send help, please.
Yesterday was the Warnke Family Christmas at my Grandpa's house.
It was so much fun, and I loved it.
But it didn't feel like Christmas. That's okay, though. Sometimes the feeling doesn't come. But I don't believe it's gone forever. Even if I never get it until I am married and have children of my own. I believe the Christmas feeling will come back. Maybe next year, even.
So, what's been up in my life? What has been making the weeks pass so fast? I don't really know. We go to church on Sunday, I work on Wednesday, repeat. But. it used to be that on the days in-between, I was sitting home. That hasn't been true these days. I've been going to town more. Christmas shopping. Running errands. And sometimes, me and LaKaysha just don't feel like sitting home so we make up a reason to leave the house.
On Saturday we even went to visit Marissa and Marita at their adorable house. After going to town just because. We also stopped at Arrowhead on our way over to the aunts', and I got a Peppermint Italian Soda. Yumminess.
Who else is in total shock that Christmas is in one week!?
One. Week. Only seven days.
How did this happen?
Wasn't it just summer? I really feel like it was just summer.
But what's even crazier - 2018 is practically tomorrow!
That number scares me. Next year scares me. This is the first time in my entire life that I have no idea what life will be like in the next year. What will life be like without Felicity? I. Have. No. Idea.
At all.
I've been making some plans for 2018. I mean, besides the wedding coming up on January 20th.
But even with these hopes and plans for next year, I have no idea what it's gonna be like.
And of course that scares me! Wouldn't that scare you?
excited for Christmas?
scared of next year?
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Life as I've Lived It || 18 Years of Being Me
O C T O B E R 1 9 9 9:
Little, tiny me entered this world. On the 14th of October, at 10:14 A.M.
I was given the name Daminika, and so began the life of me.
2 0 0 0:
I turned one. I got my stuffed donkey from Grandpa and Grandma Warnke and he was named Cinnamon by oldest sister. I got a blue plastic rocking chair that stayed with me until I was 16. I didn't want to let it go, because it's still the most comfortable (and fun) rocking chair ever. But downsizing our house forced me to say goodbye. And then Nana Sue came to the rescue - she took it for the grandkids to play with when they go visit her and Grandpa. So I didn't really say bye, I just passed it on to my little cousins for them to make great memories with. (*whispers* and I do sit in it every chance I get)
2 0 0 1:
A baby joined the family - our one and only boy. I remember Grandma taking us when my parents went to the hospital. And while we waited, she took us shopping and bought us three matching sweaters. I remember that I didn't like seeing my mom in the hospital bed, and that all I wanted was a hug but they kept showing me the little bundle they called Chancy.
I turned two.
9/11 happened though I was too young to know it.
2 0 0 2:
We went to the rodeo for the Fourth of July - the first Fourth of July after 9/11. I don't remember much about it, but home videos help with things like that. *winks* I remember it was exciting.
My aunt got married and we traveled to Canada for the wedding. I remember the hotel. Great-Uncle O'Neil singing in the lobby and people walking by would stop and listen. Then they opened the pool after hours just for us because they enjoyed the music so much. The lobby had a fire place in the middle of the room. We kids colored and played games on the tables that were on one side of the room while the adult sang and talked on the other side of the room. The pool had a huge slide and I remember my dad taking me down it, then holding me above his head so I wouldn't go under. I also remember that he wasn't fast enough when taking LaKaysha down and she went under. I remember the wedding. How it was really small, and everything was white - the floors, the walls, the tables, the chairs, the mints...
We moved into a little house.
I turned three.
I got an American Girl Doll for Christmas.
2 0 0 3:
Grandma Warnke's cancer started growing again.
My uncle got married and we went to New Hampshire for the wedding. I remember that we got new dresses for it. I remember the snow. And not being able to make it up my aunt and uncle's driveway because of the ice and we had to walk to the house. I remember that the wedding was small.
We went to the Ranch for the Fourth of July.
We moved to a bigger house, with a barn and a huge play house.
I loved Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Ponies. For my birthday I got a play horse that I still have. I named him Spirit.
I turned four.
(the fact that I remember more about 2002 than 2003 is kinda weird *laughs*)
2 0 0 4:
My uncle got married.
My mom was pregnant and was very sick. Like VERY sick. I remember that Felicity made us macaroni and cheese in the microwave for lunch everyday. And to this day she hates macaroni and cheese. I remember our days were quiet and dark because my mom was in bed. People brought us meals and came over to clean. I remember knowing my parents were very stressed.
And so Liberty joined the family. Our baby to this day. I remember staying at my aunt and uncle's and we were watching a Barbie movie when my mom called to say she was born. And Chancy was mad because he wanted a brother. But he loves her now. *winks*
I learned to ride my bike. Practicing only once. The second time my dad came out to help me practice, I just took off down the driveway, giggling my head off because I even surprised myself.
I started Kindergarten.
I turned five. With more Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony things.
I dressed up as Shirley Temple for our costume party.
For the Stenersen Christmas we drove four hours and visited my aunt and uncle. I remember that Colten slept with a tape player. We took turns sleeping in a bed. And when it came our turn I bit my glow-stick and got the glow stuff all over. In my mouth, on the bed... I remember Kirsten giggling, and I my dad coming to "save the day". In the middle of the night.
I remember we each had a stocking with our names on them. And we made towns out of rocks on the patio outside. Until my aunt bought us chalk. I remember me and Dustin had two gifts and everybody else were jealous - but that's what comes when you have awesome Godparents like I do. *winks*
2 0 0 5:
I started First Grade - at private school.
My aunt got married and we flew to New Hampshire so I could be a flower girl. Along with my cousin Kaylee. I remember playing with her a lot. And Danita was jealous. *laughs* We sang in the wedding. Tyrel hit me when he was swinging on the swing. And the next thing I remember I was laying on a rock and Uncle Marlon was standing over me. Then he carried me to my dad, who was helping set up the wedding in the back yard. Marlon was my hero. *winks*
Us kids were sleeping in the living room and one night I couldn't sleep so I just sat up in the dark and looked at a book. Grandma found me that way and she gave us that book - we still have it.
We went to High Hopes Orchard.
Back home, we went back to school and I turned six.
2 0 0 6:
My uncle got married and I was flower girl again.
We moved again.
Grandma was slowly getting worse and change was slowly slipping into my life.
We went to the Ranch for the Fourth of July.
We took a trip to Disneyland.
We bought some land and started making plans for building our home.
I turned seven.
Grandma went to the hospital, and me being just a little kid, I started to become scared of her.
2 0 0 7:
Grandma went home from the hospital and life went on.
We once again went to the Ranch for the Fourth of July.
Grandma went back to the hospital and days were spent there. I mostly remember the sadness that was around me.
Grandma once again went home, and we started clearing our land.
I went to the kids campout at my great-aunt and uncle's. (Jack and Ann)
Grandma passed away and my world changed forever.
I turned eight. Celebrated at Chuck-E-Cheese's
Spent New Years at the Ranch.
2 0 0 8:
Got in a car accident.
We started building our house, and eventually moved in.
My aunt got cancer and my parents flew to New Hampshire.
We spent our days playing in our huge, empty, and muddy backyard. Building forts in the woods, turning our wagon into a covered wagon, playing baseball, flying our kite.
We went to the Ranch for the first time without Grandma. And this trip was just my family, with Grandpa and Marissa and Marita.
We bought our pool, and it's still holding well. *grins*
When school started, we didn't didn't go to private school, but my mom started homeschooling us again.
My aunt passed away, and my parents were gone when I turned nine. But they still managed to make my birthday special. Our babysitter took us to her parents house and we rode horses.
Had my first and only white Christmas.
2 0 0 9:
I started keeping a diary and have been ever since.
My Grandpa got engaged to Sue, and moved to South Carolina. I remember when we were saying bye, I just sorta gave him a hug and ran off to go play again, but my cousins were all standing around crying. That's when it hit me that he was leaving. He went out the door and started walking to his pickup, and I ran out sobbing. He picked me up and hugged me.
And I remember I was only wearing socks on the wet ground.
We stayed at my great-aunt and uncle's while my parents went to Grandpa and Sue's wedding. Staying with Chet and Carla are always great memories. And I remember Carla put the wedding going on the computer the day of it.
I was a wild kid. I ran around outside, singing at the top of my lungs, wearing my jean skirt, and t-shirt, and rubber boots.On the colder days I'd add my hand-me-down jean jacket with the "fur" collar. My hair was never neat and I loved to swing on the either the swing-set - which was the same one we had when we lived by Grandpa, and we had finally had room for it outside so we moved it there from Grandpa's backyard - or I would swing on our tire-swing that dad hung that year. That swing was a special spot for me. I would sit out there for hours, singing and spying on the neighbors. *laughs* Or I'd make up stories in my head. My parents must've thought I was crazy 'cause I spent so much time alone. And our cats. I think my love for cats began then.
After a hard couple years, my life started to get happy again. I was finally free to be a care-free child again. Though not having Grandpa was hard on us all.
Grandpa's house got emptied.
I turned ten. Had a tea-party/sleepover with my cousins. I must admit, I had a hard time with the fact that Grandpa was across the country on my birthday.
Then he came back with his new wife, and they actually moved in with us while they looked for a rental. They came just in time for Thanksgiving.
That winter was cold, no snow - which is normal here - but everything froze. Went ice skating for the first time.
2 0 1 0:
Slowly I started to get used to Grandpa being married and living in a rental.
My dad built us a tree house and our yard started looking like a yard finally. Still working and playing outside, life went on.
Climbed the Column for the first time in my memory. (I was too young to remember the first time) Spent my days in my pioneer dress.
Had a surprise campout for Emily.
Grandpa started remodeling his house, and eventually moved back in. Even though I was just a kid, I didn't like the idea of the house that had been his and Grandma's being different. But let's face it, life would've changed anyway.
We went through some of Grandma's stuff and I got what was on the counter full of tea when she was alive. Now I have it, and I keep tea in it. <3
My cousin got married and tons of family came out from New Hampshire.
This was when I seen Kirsten for the first time in five years. She came bouncing back into my life, and I haven't been able to get rid of her since. *winks*
The wedding happened to be four days before my birthday, so I got to have a huge party with lots of family, just like we used to. Grandpa and Grandma Stenersen were even there. Kirsten, Danielle, and Danita... it was a great birthday. Grandma made supper on my birthday and that meal has been one of favorites since.
I remember my dad talking about how awesome it was going to be, and he said, "This is to make up for that birthday that we were gone."
And so I turned eleven.
The next day we went to the Zoo. I could tell you what I wore, but I'm sure you don't care. *winks*
2 0 1 1:
With my aunt in the hospital and having a baby who didn't survive, the beginning of this year wasn't too great.
Life in our huge house was great, though. Just so you know, the house we built was "the house that built me".
Went to a Civil War Reenactment and dressed up.
Spent my time playing with our cats and kittens. In the tree house, in trees, on the swings.
My mom and dad went away and we spent another couple weeks or so at Chet and Carla's. Riding horses, four-wheelers, and dirt-bikes. Also playing the wii, watching movies, and just living life in the mansion.
My dad left for a stay-away for nine weeks. Only coming home on the weekends.
Thankfully, my birthday fell on a Friday that year. I remember that this was when I started to "turn into a girl". I no longer ran around like an Indian. I tried to keep my hair nice, and wear clothes that matched.
I curled my own hair on my birthday, and went running outside when I seen my dad's pickup pull into the driveway.
We sold our four-wheeler and I thought my world ended. I remember when a lot of change was happening I told LaKaysha, "It all started with selling the four-wheeler. Life just went down hill from there." dramatic kid. *laughs*
I got my first pair of skinny jeans, though I didn't call them that.
Amanda and Tim had moved back to the state and came down for Thanksgiving. (see what I mean? Kirsten was stuck in my life *winks*)
2 0 1 2:
My aunt and uncle moved out of state and my close cousin/friend became a pen pal.
And it was this year that Daminika-the-boy-crazy was born. *laughs*
My aunt and uncle, and another uncle surprised us by showing up one day. And we spent a great two weeks with our New Hampshire family. Even Amanda came down with her kids to visit.
I fell down the stairs and broke my foot. Marlon was once again my hero. Marlon and Tyrel. Because if Marlon wasn't there to carry me around Tyrel did. And Marlon bought me Hugs, and Kirsten bought me an Arizona and pixie sticks. Even Tyrel bought me an Arizona.
After family went home, life quieted down, and got kinda sad for me. Having a cast on was no fun, and guess what - I didn't get to go swimming at ALL that summer.
Then my Grandpa and Grandma came out to visit - and I had my cast on. So lots of family got to sign it. *winks*
We spent most our time, taking trips to the store to get Arizona's, and playing Hang-Man in my aunt and uncle's basement. Good times with cousins. <3
My aunt and uncle who had moved away came back for a surprise visit.
After my cast was off we even went to visit them. Went hiking... wasn't a good idea since I was still wearing the boot part of the day. *shakes head*
My aunt, Marissa moved in with us and having her around became a normal thing for the next three years, and still to this day, seeing her in the corner of our living room, reading a book, is a normal thing to see.
I turned 13. I got my first camera. *whispers* also I started wearing makeup and drinking coffee sometimes.
I was bubbly and boy-crazy. Spending my days laughing and giggling and listening to music, while crocheting my life away.
2 0 1 3:
I hopped in with Grandpa and Sue on one of their trips to Baker City, and surprised my cousin. Spent a long weekend there, getting caught up with her. It felt like forever since they moved away!
I still crocheted a lot, and spent most my days doing so - with music going of course.
We took a family road trip. Stopping to see my aunt and uncle, then visiting Idaho, and then to another aunt and uncle's house. The vacation ended in a way that I'll never forget.
Great-Uncle Jimmy died. Shocking the whole family.
So we headed back home, with heavy hearts. Soon my parents, along with Liberty and Aunt Amanda, flew off to New Hampshire to attend the funeral.
We were left alone. Other aunts and uncles flew off too, and their kids were also left alone. With no adults around except my Grandpa - who happens to live 30 minutes away.
We managed to make fun out of the ashes. Inviting cousins over and playing games. Watching The Rifleman and listening to Ricky Nelson and Johnny Crawford - feeding my boy-crazy-ness. If I remember right we even had a potluck supper with just us kids one night.
Made another trip to Baker for Memorial Day.
I have lots of crazy videos from this time in life. We did lots of singing and dancing, and were just a happy bunch of people in general. *winks*
There was a Stenersen Reunion and we had the best Fireworks show for the Fourth that I've ever seen. Or ever will see - I hear they were better than even the professionals!
Evelyn was my Tootsie-Roll.
Had a huge sleepover and played a loud and crazy game of Apples to Apples.
I turned fourteen.
That Thanksgiving dinner was held at our house with family from both Stenersen and Warnke sides.
Grandpa and Grandma Stenersen were even there. Grandpa gave me a hug from behind, and whispered in my ear that I was beautiful. *melts* I am thankful for that Thanksgiving we had together. 3,000 miles is too far. <3
We once again had a cold winter, and I got to ice skate some more.
2 0 1 4:
Life went on. With visits from cousins, spending time at Chet and Carla's like we always had.
We made a trip to the Ranch, a short and stressful one. With Cousin Abi being in the hospital and all.
I became obsessed with Celtic Thunder and Damian McGinty.
Conventions were in the area that year and I went to my first youth gathering.
Went swimming at midnight and stayed up till two.
There was a West Reunion.
My Great-Grandpa died, and the next day my dad informed us we would be leaving at 4 the next morning to drive across country and get to New Hampshire in time for the funeral.
So we rushed off to town to get some clothes, because I had none - not much has changed in that area of life. *winks*
We left on our road trip - and it was horrible. We sleep only a couple hours each night, and we did it in four days. They had moved the funeral to a different day, so we made it there in plenty of time.
I was in New Hampshire, and I had fun. But I hated the thought of driving back across the country to get home. I hated it so much, I decided we should stay there forever.
I hung out for the first time in my life, with cousin I always knew but never really hung out with (Ryan, Roger, Savannah, Zackari, Jeremy, and such).
There were a lot of us staying at my Grandpa and Grandma's and the house was always hopping. With two great aunts and uncles and cousins all over the place. Even though the kids of Jack and Ann didn't stay at my grandma's, they were over a lot. And it became normal to walk upstairs - in your pajama's and bed head - to find "scary" adult cousins eating breakfast, even though they weren't staying there.
I seen Natasha for the first time, but I was scared of her and hid in the basement whenever she and her mom came over.
Then the horrid four days home... but we survived. (it was that trip that started my love for NH)
Back home, life went back to normal.
I turned fifteen. That for some reason was the hardest birthday ever. But a couple days after my birthday I visited Aunt Amanda and Uncle Tim, along with my sisters.
And this time, I grabbed Kirsten - she's stuck in my life forever. She can go ahead and try to get away, but she ain't goin' no where. *winks*
Chet and Carla moved to Texas and so killed my social life.
2 0 1 5:
Fifteen was a hard age for me, though I don't know why. *shrugs* But I lived through it. *winks*
I started blogging.
We started doing things without parents - like go to the beach and such.
Took one last trip to Baker City to help my aunt and uncle move again. I ended up terribly sick, and I still to this day don't know what was wrong with me. Probably a mix of stress, dehydration, and elevation.
Trips to Bugerville, Sunday walks... then we sold our house.
Our home of seven years, and we packed up and left.
I remember that moving day didn't hurt as bad as it should've. But I've since made up for that.
We moved in with Grandpa and Sue while we waited for our rental to open up - my great-aunt and uncle were living there at the time, but were moving to SC.
Those two weeks at Grandpa's were happy ones. I stayed in the attic - a room we call "Above-the Garage" with LaKaysha. We had our stuff up there - even my record player - along with stuff that had been in the house when Grandma was alive. I think that helped me a lot - having Grandma's things around me, and not moving straight into a strange house, but moving into a familiar place for a while.
The last week at Grandpa's house was spent in Confirmation class. And I got confirmed the day after we moved into our rental.
Our parents surprised us with a trip to New Hampshire that summer! They also wanted to surprise the people in NH, so we couldn't tell anybody. That was so hard! I was so excited that I wanted to shout it to the world!
So, we went there, surprised most of our family, and spent a wonderful two weeks there.
It turns out we were glad we weren't home much that summer. It was the driest year ever over here - and so hot Marissa and Marita spent most of their time in the pool while they were "house-sitting" our house.
We bought a house, in the country again, and began painting and stuff - getting it ready enough to move in. We really wanted to get back into the country.
I turned sixteen, and my friends threw me the best party. The fact that Kirsten came down for it almost made me cry. <3
Not long after my birthday, we moved into our small home - where we still live right now.
When we were packing up to leave, Haley Mills' voice kept running through my head, "We con't afford that horrid little house!? Mother that's wonderful!!"
We weren't moving away from the rental because we couldn't afford it obviously, but it was a horrid little house and I was glad to be out of it.
Because our house is so small, I didn't have a bedroom. Slept in the living room at first.
Also Marissa moved out. Our house being so small *winks*
We had snow on Christmas Eve, but not Christmas day.
So, I moved three times that year and decided I was gonna sit here till the house rotted around my head. Moving is so hard emotionally *winks*
2 0 1 6:
January came around once again. And we made plans for a wedding. Kaysha and Roger's wedding.
I only served the bridal table, so I wasn't really anybody in the wedding, but I ended up helping a lot with the set up, and flowers, and decorations. (I actually did the bridal table. So it was pretty because of me *smug*)
Kimberly surprised us with a two week visit.
The mall, the beach, reading, schoolwork, babysitting...
We went to the memorial day church campout.
I got a kitten and Kirsten named him Huck.
My mom and dad took Chancy and Liberty on a trip to Texas and us girls kept house for ten days.
I got pretty tired of sharing all my friends with LaKaysha, and I started writing Natasha. Now she's a huge part of my life and I'm so thankful for her!
I graduated.
I visited my aunt and uncle ... aka Kirsten. *winks*
I met Natasha.
I became a licensed driver.
Went to the Ranch twice that year, and they were the last trips I'll ever make there.
My dad built us bedroom and I no longer had to sleep in the living room.
I turned seventeen.
2 0 1 7:
I got my very first phone.
Then life went sliding down the side of the mountain I lived on.
I lost a cousin and dear friend to the world, and those days were hard.
My cat went missing, and I tried to get a job but all it did was stress me out so much I couldn't function.
I visited Kirsten again and snuggled adorable Kaaren.
My great-grandpa died and family came from all over the country for the funeral.
The Ranch got sold.
My Grandpa had open heart surgery, and I bought my first plane tickets.
I spent an amazing month in New Hampshire with my family out there. Making me feel much better about life. After the hard months in the beginning of the year, I didn't know if I could ever be happy again. So God sent me to Grandpa and Grandma's.
Felicity got a boyfriend.
Summer came and I had a good one.
I got a kitten and Tyrel named her Eponine.
I spent two weeks at Auntie Amanda's and Uncle Tim's.
Went camping.
The Eclipse happened.
I got a job.
Felicity got engaged.
I turned eighteen.
Now we're planning the shower and wedding, and it's kinda crazy around here.
I spend my days (when I'm not working) doing house work, and thinking about all that needs to get done. All the while playing music. *winks*
I've lived a full life so far.
Now I'm eighteen, and my sister is getting married in January.
It's crazy how much has changed since that day in October of 1999.
I am still finding myself. But that's okay.
One thing I know. God has always been with me. He has never left me.
And, Oh, the joy of knowing He never will. <333
Did you make it through this lengthy post?
*hands all who did a 1893 Pepsi-Cola*
Y'all gonna take on the world with me?
























